Adios, Corozon

For Diana

I'm flying through these pages
like those three years passed
and there weren't enough years
just like there aren't enough pages
to truly let you know how much I love you.
My bed remains a remorseful reminder
of why not to be so cruel
in the torments of love.
You will never lie here with me again,
will you?
And T.V shows we used to watch
will pull tears like teeth.
God damn it,
I can't escape your smile
and laugh.
Why can't your arms hold me again, Diana?
Even just for one night.
We could stare into each other's eyes
and not speak a word.
I just need you.
There are no quarrels about it.
You were my only warm nights;
my beautiful days
where even the grumble of garbage trucks
sounded like an old love song
crackling on vinyl.
Is that music to the ears
of the boy that now glows?
Will he put your future
ahead of his own?
Will he kneel down
and give you his all?
I've been praying ever night he does
because that's what you deserve
and that's what I should have done
and trust me I tried.
Every rose I gave you
was my silent promise
to keep a vacancy in my heart
for Poland
and white Zinfandel
and your blue eyes.
Oh, why can't you believe me?
I've cried enough tears these past few days
to fill the voids I left in your soul
and every sea that was occupied
by men searching for it's treasures.
Pearls and diamonds
that napped upon your neck, fingers and wrists.
Working two weeks for a check
and a reason to make you light up
as bright as the stars on our first New Year's Eve.
When the ball drops this year over Times Square,
so will my heart
as the pictures develop in my mind
of your lips softly putting pressure on his,
showering in confetti
high on champagne
while everyone around you says
"That is what romance is."
Well I'll be making love
to the cigarettes you hate
on a bed of concrete
more alone than I've ever been,
pulling my thrift shop jacket tighter
thinking of the cold winter nights
I'd bundle you up before you went outside,
laughing at how many layers you were sporting.
Your tequila hair
bunched up in my winter cap.
I'm looking out my window
and starting to despise the snow.
I've lost all interest
in hot chocolate and heating pads
yet they both stand guard near my bed post
and I doubt I'll touch either of them
not without you.
Here I go again,
cleaning up the room
like you're going to walk in and surprise me.
There are only ghosts and angels
waiting to tuck me in
when I'm tuckered out
from crying.
They can smell the left over tea leaves;
Mostly green
on my breath.
You got me hooked, you know.
Nice and hot
with a lot of honey.
Peppermint for tummy aches
and long days.
I've been having a few of those lately.
Long days, that is.
After pass out dreams
where you pop in,
kiss me
and I melt into my mattress and sheets
and then the sun starts peeping
through my filthy blinds
and the water turns on
all over your favorite pillow.
Yeah,
I lay my head on that one often
on your side of my world.
Where the dawn breaks
like
well, I think you know where I was going.
Right?
You always knew what I was thinking
and how I felt.
Do you now?
Maybe I should explain.
I'm thinking
about why I can't stop thinking
about you
and I feel like you forgot me
or are trying to.
Please don't.
I could never forget
Booj Booj,
belly grabs
Eskimo kisses,
all of our kisses.
It was all too magnificent.
Like gondolas in Providence,
long walks in Boston,
burning comets over tall trees in Foxboro.

Tomorrow will hold another carousel of emotions
but what else is there to say?
You are the only girl
I've ever truly loved.