Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Tea Notes: When Skies Are Gray (Unformated)

The A.A meeting next door looked especially festive this evening. The church welcomed every abuser in the area for a night of small talk and guidence at the hands of yester-users named Frank and Jack. They park their Kias, sip their iced coffees and lit one more smoke before the service begins. As I watched outside the window I couldn't help but feel like I've never been more welcome in a place of God.I had one beer and smoked a little grass, knowing perfectly well I had to drive. I managed to maintain a certain enlightened level of insobriety and for a while, I actually wore a smile. That all went out the window with a song. I won't bring up the name or the artist, it's meaningless anyway. What does matter is what it did to me. That song, so normally beautiful, provoked a complete numbness of my glee. With eyes wide opened, I dreamt of city streets, hot tubs, clothes lines, seconds before secure slumbers, Her. But that needs to end. I've concluded that chapter in my life, though much later then she. I just can't figure out how to move on. It's like your first cloudy day. How do you react when the sunshine is gone? She was my sunshine; my only sunshine.I left just as the meeting was gettng out and was approached by an older gentlemen. He commented on how he liked my guitar and smiled and seemed generally pleased with how his life was going. I smiled through it too, this time forcing my lips to curl. I couldn't even listen to what he was saying nor did I care. He got to go home to nice weather.

No comments: